She

I started to realize the difference between us.

She needs changes when things don't work out. If she can't change the specific things bothering her, she changes other stuff, as if there's a tremendous energy accumulated somewhere inside going to explode if nothing is done.

When a relationship broke up, she often cut her hairs. Then she has a house. Spending money doing different decorations here and there had saved her from mundane life. Since the world is designed in a way that things never work out the way we want, she also often changes her relationships. If she can't change anything outside, she changes something inside violently.

It's almost impossible to know when she started desiring such huge control of her life. Maybe it started when she moved out from her parents' place in senior high school. Oh... maybe it was even earlier when she took walks alone in school yard as age of 10, when other kids were just playing together at class breaks.

Is it possible that she had understood that she's deemed to be lonely. The world schema was built inside her that she was left unnoticed. Is it possible that she was so used to live in a one man's world, so she's so used to control the characters in such a closed world?

Every now and then I bump into her by accident. She seems to shrink a bit every time I meet her. I couldn't help pitying her when I see her tangled eye brow, messy hair and shabby outfit. I feel sorry that this world is so narrow, so uni-dimensioned that she's not meant for it. How much I wish I could introduce her a place where she can make friends and smile again.

What I can promise her is to keep searching for such a peaceful place with real blue sky and huge meadows. She can enjoy sunshine in every quiet afternoon. I just hope she won't be devoured by the huge black and void world inside here before I find the right place for her.